The come back.

I know it’s been ages since I last updated this “excuse of a blog” of mine. Circumstances, time constraint, the inability to spell and limited vocabulary has kept me from blogging. Ok la, I’ve been busy, with a relationship which I’ve totally ruined, and the good ol fashion excuse.. work.

Yea, I’ve been traveling in this region, I’ve set my foot on a fair bit of countries, the usuals and the exotic, How many of you guys can say “I’ve been to Iran” right? Looking back at my blog has got me smiling again.. Didn’t believe I wrote all that a year plus ago.. Perhaps I was young and stupid, maybe I am still just that.

Life is funny… Life is, something we all have to go through before we die. (This is the punch line, FYI)


Don’t we all crave excitement in life? The problem with excitement is it’s only good while it lasts.. After that.. It just becomes a fragment of the past, something you’ll rekindle once in a while and console your self at your current state. I am not a very good person; I’ve done things I am not proud of, and often telling myself that there’s only ME in this world…. Let’s face it people.. When the music dies down, and when they turn on the lights, it’s over.. You’re on your own….. Reality is a very lonely word.

when it comes to tough decisions in life I've learnt to do this..
--shut my eyes, turn a deaf ear, put all rational and complications aside, and follow the heart--

I have a few nagging thoughts in my mind right now. The ones nagging like a 50 year old bitch are

- PARIS PARIS PARIS, I had dreams of going to Paris.. so much it’s haunting me
- Making a statement at work.. it’s always been a struggle
- Old Chang Kee curry puff. I would so do anything for one now.


Ok peeps. Not bad for a rusty start. It’s been more than a year. Maybe I’ll keep em coming. Maybe.

I shall curry puff my self to oblivion now.

Yours truly,
Mr emo wreck.

Money.

Bad logistics. Bad planning. that's the shit I had to go through for this job. Nevertheless It's ok now. I guess I've fixed it. Or rather. Run it properly. I don't know, sometimes I feel like a hero, but most times, I feel like an under achiever.
I am at a cross point. I think I need a career change. I feel like I don't need anyone to cling on to in life. Screw girls. Screw relationships. I think I am better off living a life of solitary offshore. I am qualified, and i think i am up for it. The jobs aren't that tough. These guys are after all.. human, like me. the same flesh and bones, the same system. Oh for pete's sake, we're the same species. I belive no one is stupid. It's just how you use your head. ( I am consoling myself here) I'll look up my career options. I have a few in mind, all offshore all big bucks.

Money,after all, that what we all work for. No? Passion? We work for passion's sake? Oh please, Passion sizzles out like spit your bbq pit once you don't get your pay check in time. Let's face it. We all have bills to pay, Loan, etc bla bla. Money makes it. Money. It breaks you. It ruins your family. Yet.. it pays your bills...
Simple choices, Life change decisions.. For money of for love?

Some people are coming over this weekend. I am offshore. I've decided to cut my offshore trip short to see them. I don't know why. But they are kinda worth it, worth to say no to moula.

Oh yes. which reminded me. Something happened on the Vicksburg yesterday. There was a fire in the engine room. Funny. Dangerous, but funny. Later we're going to have a H2S drill. Yay. more drills to keep the old ticker going.

Tomorrow, they are going to drill some crazy hole which could make everyone abandon rig. Oh yeah! some real offshore action. Finally.... something close to Piper Alpha.
Sadist.

when shit hits the fan.

Now what? What do we do when shit hits the fan and splatters all over the room? You clean it up, Maybe. You run and leave it for a while. definately. Let the shit dry up and maybe clean it up later. Running is one of my favourite sports. Running, both physically and emotionally. Something in life are not worth fixing, and sometimes the best way out is to leave it, turn a deaf ear and swith yourself off.

I've been doing this so often that i've lost track how many times i've flicked the switch.

things going though my head now..

Hermit's crab shell.
fits while it lasts.
smoke on the water.
the sound of waves hitting a shore of rocks
black black skies over open seas
my life has no relavence, no significance



Considering I've not splattered much shit on myself for this case. I guess i'll just dissapear for a while. It's a healthy thing to do. No one gets hurt. Well, atleast that's what I choose to believe. Darn it. I need to go on a vacation... Anywhere but here.

Offshore Con Job

It's only a 2 day job. You'll be out of there in no time.

I've been told. 6 days and counting.. What happened was I found myself rig hoping offshore myanmar. Not that I am complaining, But I was hoping to go back to KL. Anyways, does not matter now, that girl has gone back and I am onboard offshore Hilton. Old, but comfortable. THE OFFSHORE HILTON, NOT THE GIRL. Bah..

This is how my travel started.

Took a flight from KL - Yangon, then took a tiny little plane (sits 20) to a hick ass island called Sitwee. Then a 30 minutes chopper ride to the rig. Worked for 2 days, then off to another rig, 1 hour by boat. Worked a day, then, I found myself sleeping in different rigs every night. That would make me a rig slut won't it?

Either I am important or these people like to torment me.

Job is done. I am glad. Now for the exciting bit. Going back home. Basically the same way I came in, but getting a flight back to KL will be tricky. I heard flights to KL on friday is full. So my options are saturday (business class) or monday (economy class)

Points to ponder about while making this decision:
-I hold a open economy ticket
-I get a daily allowance while travelling
-I haven't seen Yangon
-I am in no hurry to go back to KL.

Do the maths and logic. I think i'll fly off on Saturday.
I'll update you with my yangon shopping/sight seeing/vacation (hopefully)


Thing to do when i get back to KL.
-collect rent money from the boys
-Go banking(i don't know why. but i got a feeling i have to go to the bank)
-Change Money. What does Iran use?
-Get ready for the next job/tool check
-Install those mirrors I bought the other day
-Go view that Fiat Coupe advertised in the star
-Catch up with some friends over a drink

Hmn. this is becoming more of a personal planner than a blog. Any how.
I just asked my friend this question.

Hectic hectic.




"Why can't i get a proper girlfriend, Is it because I am lakia?"
She has not answered. Maybe it's because I am lakia. Bloody racist.

untitled.

If there is one thing i hate, it would be not having control. I am not a control freak(contrary to what the masses thought), I let the world take it's course. Shit happens. Be it natural disasters, emotional crackdowns, road accidents and all the nasty shite happening around us. My emo-switch has tripped. I feel like crap. I believe i am at a low point. Yes yes, this could be one of my emo swings, But i feel unusually empty now. Something is not right. I do not have control over my emotions.

I need my sleep. I am exhausted. I can't sleep. I stare into blank space, looking for that shining star, my vision blured. I feel lost, like a ship that has lost it's captain. Lost in a raging sea of emotions, without a breeze of direction. What is this, i asked myself? This can't be love.... love does not hurt. But alas, I have given up in love a long time ago. Love is something i dare not seek. I shy away from love, I deny myself of it.... i try to tell myself that.

I am sailing... slowly, to an enchanted destination that does not exist. I am sailing.. slowly, but surely.. To a place which i will sink. Ironic. The only way there is to sink. Turn back? is that an option? the winds that carry me to you is too strong. Either I sink now, or sink later. Does that make a difference? I'll perish.

From past trials, I drown. I will be silent. There will be darkness. I will give in. But I will awake from my dreams and snap back right into reality. the harsh reality of this world. It cold. but hey, cold is a feeling, and so is pain... I know i am alive when i can feel these old friends of mine.

I lay drifting in your dark sea. Where all I see is your light, Like the silvery moon you come and go... but the stars I trust have long faded. My strong stars, my bright stars. Where are you? why have you forsaken me?



logged at low point.


Perhaps one day I'll look back and laugh, and affirm that Love is indeed for fools. Or is it?

Time of the season

Hey everyone. Merry Christmas. yes, Merry Freaking Christmas indeed. I am angry and depressed. So pissed this season. Still trying to figure out why. Perhaps my stock of Valium is finished? .....

Great way to start a blog. Perfect. Field Breaks. Working in the Field can break your body, Field Breaks are just there to break your mind.I am so bored, and it's only been a week! Yesterday I conducted interviews. It's fun! love the feeling of being in control and having making fresh outs answer your questions, and just when they though they've answered it they way I wanted it, I turn the answers against them. Muahhaha. Saddist. 2 words to describe interviews. Power Trips.

Today was My day. Being the pig i am, I got up at 11am, dragged myself to the PC to go online. yes, I logon to MSN before brushing my teeth. Not that the person I am chatting with can smell my breath. Things I did today..

1. Had lunch outside
2. Had a hair wash/cut
3. Bought Car Shampoo
4. Washed my car
5. Installed the lights i bought from Ikea
6. Moved the furniture in my room
7. "power" napped
8. lock myself out of my apartment before going to dinner
9. Boring you with my day.
This entry is starting to read like the book I am currently reading, about an autistic boy and a dog murder. By mark hendon. I think.


Oh for fucks sake. This is not even a blog. If I had a personal dairy, Imagine what kinda shitty boring shit I would say. And yes. My relatives are a bunch of loud hungy bitches. Me included, although I am usually not hungry. Fucking Shitty Genetic screw up. I can't even enjoy a normal meal without thinking about the weigh I'll put on. I just have to walk past KFC to gain 5 fucking pounds. Damnit I am so unhappy. Right now, everyone else around me can die. Maybe just leave a few hot chicks. For the sake or human reproduction. Just that.

Argh. Should i Post this? ah fuck. why not. Anger/depression is after all human.

Feelings... Nothing more than Feelingsss. -the demented

Whoopeedoo.

I am back in KL. Really, i can't complain. I woke up at 10 this morning. It has been a while.. Feels good not waking up the blaring sound of my sony erricson w800i (brand new toy)alarm clock. And of all tones, it's "Someone to love"by Queen. Who the hell read my blogs? I've been thinking. Myself? I amuse my self reading my past entries. It kinda keeps track of where I am and my fragile/volatile emotional states. I am a swinger. 1 minute i can be on cloud 9 and the other, i can be in the dumps. Right now, i am calm, I love these calm feelings obtainable when i wake up late, preferably not to the sound of an alarm clock, or a fire drill.

disclaimer:
Dear Uncle A.W.,
If you're reading my blog, it's for you only. under NO circumstances will you discuss about it during family dinners/gatherings/bitching sessions. If anything were to go around, the blog will self destruct and the writer will deny all responsibility of it.

regards,
owner

Emotional states.... emotional states.. what do you do when something that is wrong feels so good? Do you go with it? or do you back out? NO, I did not have my first homo encounter.(sheesssh) It's something more complicated. Older women. I attract older women, and I am somehow attracted to them. What's the "acceptable" age difference which is tolerated by our sorry ass asian culture? 10 abit too much?

9 more days till christmas. I have absolutely no freaking idea of my whereabouts. Christmas with the family good. But christmas with my older woman will be better. Geographical, ethical, and religious(NO SHE IS NOT MUSLIM) boundaries stands in my way. Perhaps that's for the better. I have mastered the art of switching off feelings. No matter how deep. I have a kill switch. It goes "OFF" at a flick of a switch. Thanks to someone else in my life not too long ago. She's right. I am taking it out on everyone else. Deny deny deny deny. Do not accept. taste, but do not savour. touch. but do not feel.

damn. I feel angry now. So much for the calm feeling a minute ago.